Ranting

Have you ever been standing in your closet trying to decide what to wear when it comes to you that you hate all of your clothes? Worse yet, they've all shrunk! How can anything shrink just hanging there in the dark? I have to diet and exercise in order to keep gravity from running rampant. Why should my clothes shrink when I don't?
My mother used to tell me, "Just wait until you have children, then you'll put on weight." Another of her pearls of wisdom was, "When you go through the CHANGE, you'll put on weight." Sound redundant? Anyway, when I had my first kid at 35, I suddenly sported cleavage for the first time in my life. "Way to go", I thought. Little did I know it was just the beginning. It wasn't long before I felt like a milk cow!
Were Mom's prophesies self-fulfilling? Just like when the media predicts a recession. Tell a person something often enough, they start to believe it. Next thing you know, we're in the middle of a recession (or a clothes shrinkage epidemic).
I'm loath to admit I've gained weight. How could that possibly be true? I much prefer to think a gang of nasty little elves snuck into my closet while I was sleeping and switched them with Twiggy's. If you don't know who Twiggy is, just envision the name and you'll get the idea.
I HATE ALL MY CLOTHES! It's a good thing it's Friday and I can wear baggy sweats for the weekend.