IRONY

How’s this for irony? I had already decided to tell Jimbob that I wanted a new ladder for my birthday in July. But this past weekend I went ahead and used the resident relic in order to paint the family room while he (Jimbob) was in OK with his brother.

Everything went just fine Saturday, and Sunday I took it easy, went to see a movie and vegged out the remainder of the day. Monday I was up bright and early and started taping over the fireplace…when my 30 year old stepladder suffered metal fatigue.

I felt it giving way, but couldn’t do a thing about it. I landed on the hearth with my left elbow and my ribcage hit the edge of the brick. I no more than thought about the very heavy mirror over the fireplace coming down too, when it did. I’m not sure how the weight of the monster missed me, but again, it did. And more importantly, it didn’t break.

Since I was still awake, and able to walk away from the crime scene, I thought I’d wait awhile before going to the hospital. Silly me. I still hoped nothing was broken. The hospital is only ten minutes away, so I didn’t want to bother anyone and drove myself. Besides, maybe they’d just take a few x-rays and send me home with a a handful of pain killers.

I was pretty sure my shoulder and a rib or two were cracked, but I hurt in places where there aren’t any bones. My hopes of going home were fading fast. I didn’t want to call Jimbob to come home because I knew he’d speed more than usual. I could just see him getting in a wreck driving like a maniac.

Wouldn’t you know when I finally broke down and called Jimbob, his cell phone was turned off…and of course, so was bro’s. I called bro’s wife to see if she knew where the guys were. Three hours later, she got bro, who told Jimbob to call me.

In the meantime, total damages were one broken arm (just below the shoulder), two cracked ribs and one badly bruised kidney. Add to that two nights in the hospital and between 2-4 weeks off work. I have better holidays.

As I’ve mentioned many times, we are drowning at work. Our guy estimator is now out due to surgery and I’m incapacitated. I’m laughing my ass off because “Wonder Woman”, also known as the cow, who thinks she knows it all and can do everything better than anyone else is crying fowl. I can’t wait until she explodes at some poor unsuspecting soul. It could actually be worth the pain to see her crash and burn. I have my marshmallows all ready to roast.