Crank Ass

Yes, that's me today. I’ve spent the last seven weeks filling my time with things that I could do without inadvertently causing further injuryf. Painting and gardening were definite no, nos. So I’ve read 20 or 30 books, kept up with my work e-mail, knitted an afghan for a wedding gift plus 5 scarves for early Christmas presents, worked on my book and watched dreaded DAYTIME TV.

Being a rather stuffed shirt regarding the use of English, I find it amusing to listen to television personalities mangle our national language. Right off, the word “our” has reared its ugly head. Yes, I was the one who brought it up. I cringe when I hear it pronounced or see it spelled “are”. That’s enough to take the enamel right off my teeth without previous provocation.

And what about “sure”? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “shore” in the last seven weeks in place of "sure". I was under the impression that shore meant the edge of a lake or ocean not a confirmation. Silly me. My number 1 brat drives me to distraction when he agrees to do what I ask with a hearty “shore”. I ask him if he says "inshorance" instead of "insurance" and he smiles and nods. I suppose I should be happy that he actually agreed with something I said.

And then again, there’s a flagrant overuse of “exactly” and “basically”. These are favorites of persons giving instructions on a do-it-yourself program. Such as, “Basically, we're going to use this thing-a-ma-jig to attach the the doo-hicky to your butt. Or, "exactly" comes into play when the host/hostess says, “So, basically the whole thing attaches to your butt with only four staples.” The guest replies, “Exactly.” I suppose that covers everything. What more is there to say?

"Irregardless" is a word that really gets my panties in a wad. The word is "regardless"! But "irregardless" has been used so often that it doesn’t even show up as a spelling error in Word as I’m writing this. Does this mean that "irregardless" has been added to the dictionary?

A certain person in my dark and dingy past used to say, "It behooves me why you would want to do something so stupid." Not wishing to hurt this person's feelings I waited until he was through berating my intelligence before telling him I had no idea what he was talking about. His reply was, "What's the matter? Is behooves too big of a word for you?" Okay, time to change the subject.

At least I won't have 500+ e-mails to sift through when I get back. And Jimbob has learned how to turn on the dishwasher and washing machine if I stand there with ready instructions. In a pinch, he can even make a sandwich (in less than 20 minutes) for lunch instead of going out.

I’m a little ticked off that he told his brother "shore" we can have Grandma at our house next week. He just doesn’t understand the volumn of work she creates for me. Just because I'm going back to the office, he thinks all my boo boos are healed. The following week he’s supposed to go to Oklahoma with his brother to work on gtandma’s house. No, I’m not going to baby sit herwhile he’s gone.

Now, for the real pisser, Jimbob is going to have his 14 year old hip replacement repaired around Labor Day, and guess who gets to be his nurse? Yes, I’ll do it, but I don’t promise to be gracious. In the past I've nursed him through prostrate surgery, knee replacement surgery and two eye surgeries this past spring. I need a break. In addition a second hip replacemnet looms in the next six months.

Well, I said right off that I was a crank ass today. It must be time for another pain pill.

On the positive side, JC and I are leaving the night of 7/27 for Reno NV. He hasn't seen his sister in almost 5 years and this is the perfect time since her baby is due 8/1. I have a granddaughter on the way and I intend to be there when she's born. I can't wait to remind my boss next week.

I just realized that today would have been my parents 64th anniversary if my father had survived this long. Of course he would be 99 years old, too.