Natural Wonder

Or maybe that should be a fool's folly. If you’ve read my blog before, you’ll know my abhorrence of a certain female undergarment commonly referred to as a “bra”. My specific beef is going shopping for this said article because they are not made for real women. Even the so-called full figured models are misleading.

Yesterday I wasn’t shopping, but wearing a model that I’d been foolish enough to purchase some months back. God, what was I thinking? My knit top (I always wear knit because button up shirts invariably gap) was rather clinging and accentuated the degree of folly (or delusion) I’d suffered.

I happened to look down upon my twin peaks only to discover that they were not pointing forward. If north and south represent up and down, then I was wall-eyed. East and west were in fact well represented. And that was peering down from a perspective that only I can attain. The ladies’ room mirror held further horrors. My profile resembled the slope of s ski jump with that upward tilt at the base for maximum trajectory.

I happen to know for a fact that God did not make women to achieve a maximum trajectory off my breasts. Who designed that stupid contraption in the first place? I think I’d rather opt for the 50’s version that rounds them up and heads them out at needle prick sharpness.

Needless to say, that bra went in the trash and will never discrace my person again.