Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Dumb Labels

I was putting lights on the Christmas tree when I noticed that the label said "For indoor or outdoor use only." Is this to imply that there are other uses for Christmas lights, or are these idiots just covering all the bases? And what could this "other" use possibly be? Maybe I could install them underwater in my backyard pond for a dramatic effect...or use them as headlights. But again that would be an outdoor use, so that falls under the labels instructions.

It reminds me that the last time I used the drive up ATM at the bank, there was a sign engraved on the ATM machine that says, "This unit equipped with Braille to serve the visually impaired. Duh! What's wrong with this picture? I thought you had to be visually endowed to drive a car. Prhaps this is the answer as to why there are so many wrecks on the roads these days.

Another dumb label, "Do not use this hairdryer in water." Okay, maybe I'm just not with the program, but if I'm in water why would I want to dry my hair? Am I missing something here? Are we so stupid that we have to have everything spelled out to us to the nth degree? Next thing you know toilet paper will have a label that says, "This side for full anal contact."

Monday, November 06, 2006

Twin Peaks

I’m proud to say that I’m still going to aerobics and Pilate’s class and I’m beginning to see results. My pants are fitting much better and some of my jackets that were tight across the shoulders and wouldn’t meet across my chest almost make it.

Yesterday I thought, “I’ll wear that sexy black bra that hasn’t fit in years.” It’s practically new even though I bought it a couple of years back. Okay so I was getting overly optimistic. When I got it on, the damn thing looked like the snowcaps on twin peaks. Not very attractive.

But I refuse to give up. Sure, I’m still doing this and this and this while the rest of the class is doing that and that and that. At least I haven’t fallen flat on my face or broken anything…yet.

This time I’m not even going to worry about whether Jimbob notices or not. It’s obvious that he won’t so. This is for me, not him

Friday, November 03, 2006


I'll be glad when this election is over next Tuesday. All you hear on the radio is political campaign ads. One guy saying, "He's so bad and I'm so good," and the other guy saying, "I'm so good and he's so bad." Surely nobody is as bad as their opponent claims or as good as they claim.
Some ads have gotten very creative at presenting just enough of the details with a slight twist to make something that was good into something that's horrifically criminal. Just a minor word left out here or there, or statements taken out of context can change the meaning of the most innocent of words.

I'm sure many of you remember a certain president swearing adamantly, "I never had sex with that woman." It's all in how you interpret the meaning of having sex. Just like many young girls engaging in oral sex but claiming they are not sexually active. And I suppose technically they're correct. If they retain their maidenhead, then they are still virgins. Right?

Sounds sort of like, "If a guy is getting layed, he's Mr. Macho Man, but if a girl is doing the same thing, she's a slut." Not the type of woman to take home to meet the parents.

I'm not quite sure how I got from discussing politics to talking about sex. Maybe it's because I make it a policy not to talk politics with anybody. My mind wanders in strange directions.

Maybe this weekend I can get around to visiting some blogs. It seems like ages since I've taken the time to chat. Tomorrow is going to be busy because first thing in the morning I get a hair cut, then come home and pack my sewing machine into the car and head over to the church where several of us are working on new banners for the sanctuary.

Well, time to go get myself some dinner. Jimbob is working at the Kiwanis bean fest tonight so I'm trying to remember what it's like to be a couch potato.